I am not a father yet, which is probably a good thing. That's not to say that I don't envision myself being a great dad. I just own a lot of stuff that could be described as chokey.
My father was a hateful father. Along with instilling discipline in me, he instilled an understanding that it was okay to fuck with people - especially your children.
When I was a toddler, he would threaten to take me to a place called "Acme Mush & Spankings", a restaurant where children are served a bowl of cold oatmeal, paddled with a wooden spoon, and made to sleep on an uncomfortable cot until their parents are ready to leave.
Yes, in hindsight, this sounds highly dubious.
It was a very real threat to me. My father liked to blur the lines of idle threat and reality. One day, probably when I was three or four, we pulled into a parking lot on our way out of town and he pointed out a brick building. He told me that it was Acme Mush & Spankings, and that they weren't open yet.
My mind was blown. I'm pretty sure my eyes bugged out and I shouted "Oh snap! That shit is REAL!!" To this day, I am not entirely convinced that my father was joking.
Seriously.
No comments:
Post a Comment