"The ape regards his tail; he's stuck on it." - DEVO
I'm going to lay it all out for you. What follows is the Hateful Man's book of Revelations.
Civilization as we know it is coming to an end. It is inevitable, and it will, inevitably, be one of the most incredibly stupid moments in the history of all existence.
At a quickly approaching point in the not too distant future known as The Singularity, mankind will gain the ability, through various forms of technology, too evolve exponentially at will. Matter itself will be reshaped and modified to suit our needs. Assuming we even choose to remain tethered to them, our bodies will instantly be able to adapt to any environment.
Naturally, the majority of humanity will remain tethered. We're too arrogant and vain to abandon our bodies, especially when we can cause our selves to sprout something that looks like a six pack at will.
Approximately three millionths of a nanosecond after The Singularity, another event will occur which will eliminate the vast majority of human males from existential relevance, a moment I call The Bananapocalypse. In this moment, one man will realize that his newly gained mastery of evolution will allow him to finally sexually pleasure himself in a way that had always been impossible before, and every exponential leap male intellect had taken since The Singularity will be derailed.
For another nanosecond, women will evolve past men, into a totally separate, collective intelligence. Only, once the realization that our newfound regenerative abilities and potential bodiless existences negates the need for reproduction sinks in (the Sarahjessicaparkalypse), women too, will resort to continual self-pleasure.
The final phase of human existence will take the form of one perpetual, collective groan.
And then the Orangutans will grow thumbs, escape their cages and eat our faces off before we can finish diddling ourselves into oblivion.
Awesome.
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