PAJAMA DAY REISTANCE TRAINING

Oh boy! Its the second Friday of the month! You know what that means, don't you? It's Pajama Day, Bitches! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-HOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!


OWWW!!


NO!

Are you an adult? Do you respect yourself? Are you neither too sick nor too enfeebled to dress yourself? Then why the hell would you ever leave your house in pajamas?

Here are 10 rock-solid facts about the horrors of Pajama Day:

1. Pajamas do not provide adequate protection against the elements. The moment you set foot outside your door, you're going to be cold. And you're going to look like a all-day pajama wearing asshole.

2. Pajamas frequently have a pee-hole fly as opposed to buttons or zippers, allowing your flaccid man-penis to dangle out or your lady bits to peek around the corner and say "Hey fellas, I'm a creepy Missed Connection waiting to happen.".

3. That velcro cape on your Spider-Man pajamas is just confusing. Spider-Man does NOT wear a cape.

4. They said pajamas, not union suits or blanket sleepers. Do not even try rocking the god damned boat here.

5. Theme days in general are just another form of corporate-conformoculture mind-fuckery designed to degrade and demoralize you. Do you have the choice to wear pajamas out of the house any other day of the month? Yes. Will you get fired for showing up in your pajamas any other day of the month? Undoubtedly. If you participate in Pajama Day, your free will and dignity are just a toy to some HR overlord who is monitoring you from afar while stroking a hairless cat and cackling.

6. You do not need to know how even more sad and depressing your coworkers are outside of work.

7. This kind of shit is encouraging that fat, mouth-breathing, rapey-looking motherfucker by the fire exit's closeted infantilism. Eventually, he will show up ina diaper. Be wary.

8. Isn't your office high on the term empowerment? What is empowering about wearing pajamas to work? Absolutely nothing. If anything, it makes you more vulnerable and strips you of your dignity. Again, you are clearly being fucked with by your overlords.

9. Does the memo clearly state that the pajamas must be clean? No. Does it specify that employees must wear underwear? No. So, realistically speaking, the only thing between you and the stench of Shitty McManboobs in Finance's nocturnal skidmark is less than a millimeter of well-worn Nascar fabric.

10. The office strumpet is going to use this as yet another excuse to show off her booty shorts and spaghetti strap tank top. This, in turn, will make the previously mentioned mouth-breathing rapey guy extra sweaty and breathy. Gross.