THE FOLLOWING THINGS DO NOT MAKE YOU INTERESTING

Referring to yourself as "crazy"on a friday night instead of "an uncreative, twenty-something weekend alcoholic".

Wearing tie dye shirts on themed days at work or school, or in general, for that matter.

Expressing your fondness for Dave Matthews Band.

Cat-In-The-Hat or jester hats.

Granny glasses with different colored lenses.

Wearing a snake or lizard around your neck in public.

Juggling or playing with devil sticks.

Drinking excessively while broadcasting to the world that you are drinking excessively.

Playing acoustic guitar and singing in a forced, weird voice on a blanket in the park.

Knowing the words to “Fight for Your Right to Party”, but nothing else by the Beastie Boys.

Calling yourself “a spiritual person” without being able to elaborate.

Liking Coldplay.

Actually being Jamiroquai.

Wearing Harley Davidson everything.

Being able to hold a prolonged conversation about what happened on “Dancing With the Stars” or “American Idol” last night.

Making sure that people notice that you are reading the “Tao of Pooh” at Starbucks.

Considering the possibility of attending Burning Man.

Actually attending Burning Man.

Accessorizing your jeans and t-shirt ensemble with flair that tells the world that you enjoy smoking
Marijuana.

Ankle tattoos of Tinkerbell or the Tasmanian Devil.

Hanging a dream catcher from your rearview mirror.

Political bumper stickers.

Driving a prius or a hummer.

Stretched limos.

Being passionate about KISS.

Actually putting the sticker that came with your mac on anything.

Growing a soul patch.

Being Christian.

Informing the world that you are an atheist at the drop of a hat.

Convincing yourself that there are republicans in the audience who are going to have an epiphany and suddenly start giving a shit at a showing of a Michael Moore documentary.

Wearing sunglasses indoors and/or at night.

Wearing green, sequined top hats and shamrock glasses on St Patrick's Day.

Gluing shit to your car.

Yelling “Woo!”

Dating musicians.

Referring to one's participation in anything as having been “a long, strange trip”.

Doing blow or heroin.

Talking to sober people about politics while stoned.

Being a stripper.

Passionately liking the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Identifying with the cast of Jersey Shore.

Bringing up how long you've been sober at every single social gathering you attend.

Dancing on a bar to the Lenny Kravitz cover of “American Woman”.

Dressing up like the Crow and/or the Heath Ledger version of the Joker at every single party or function you attend.

Constantly reminding people of your coffee addiction.

Being old and wearing festive sweaters.

Alerting the world to your raging heterosexuality by telling everyone that Megan Fox is hot.

Carrying a tiny little dog around.

Reminding people who you voted for in the last election.

Caring deeply about the dolphins. Not all marine life, mind you, just the dolphins.

Telling people that you are studying marine biology so that you can swim with the afore mentioned dolphins.

Being an actual dolphin.

Playing in a Doors cover band.

Displaying stickers that let the world know that you (or maybe your bike?) only buy local and haven't willingly left the Portland Peninsula in several years.

Being brought to us by letters and/or numbers.

Being white and affluent.

Being the guy that wears the white tuxedo to the prom.

Paying money for a shirt emblazoned with an image of Che Guevara.

Making statements about being in touch with your feelings.

Doing that thing where you pantomime rearranging your face before doing an impression of someone.

Playing poker.